Fish Tale
by William Zenn
~~~~~~~
Once upon a time there was a teacher named, for the sake of our little fable, Missy Lissy. She was named this---in spite of that fact that it looked uncomfortably like some cloddish Caucasian’s attempt at pigeon English--- because the writer was lazy-minded and simply liked the way it sounded.
But, we digress.
As we mentioned, Missy Lissy was a school teacher, and she worked very, very hard. She worked so hard, in fact, that some days, she would come home tired and positively "tweaked." Now, most of us use the word "tweak" in a slightly different context; as in, to tweak someone's nose, etc. But Missy Lissy had her own usage for the word, a trait which made her even more charming. To wit: when one is “tweaked”, one has been pulled from all sides---in the midst of trying to work with one hand and referee with the other---while striving to excel, to the point where one is simply a quivering mass of nerves. You get the idea?
Well, Missy Lissy was nothing if not resourceful, and experience had taught her exactly how to deal with a case of the tweaks. She ran herself a nice, warm, inviting bath, and slipped into it with a very satisfied "mmmmmmmm." It could have been and "ahhhhhhhh" or an "oh yessssssssss" one supposes, but, as one was not there in person, one must feel free to use a little dramatic license.
Missy Lissy lay in her bath, luxuriating in its warm caress, letting the moisturizing beads of whatever moisturizing product had caught her fancy at the bath store do their soft, therapeutic work. When suddenly, just behind her left shoulder, there was a SPLASH!!!!! and, of all things, a fish appeared! She looked closely, and knew in an instant that this was no ordinary fish, but the rare Big Mouth Billy Bass.
"Take me to the riverrrrrrrrrrr," sang Big Mouth Billy Bass---hereafter to be known, for the purposes of brevity and the prevention of carpal tunnel syndrome, as simply "Billy Bass."
Missy Lissy was surprised, but she had seen many surprising things before, some of them a lot fishier than this one.
"Um...Mr. Big Mouth Billy Bass," she said with more than a hint of amusement in her melodious voice, "I think you've taken a wrong turn somewhere."
"Drop me in the waterrrrrrr," sang Billy Bass.
Missy Lissy raised an eyebrow, an expression which, as a school teacher, was far from unknown to her.
"Um...Billy? Look around. This is water, to be sure, but it most definitely is not the river. This is my bathtub," she said evenly.
Teachers do that; they speak very evenly, particularly when they’d secretly like to throttle, or in this case, cook the one to whom they are speaking.
Billy Bass stopped singing and blinked, in a fish-eyed kind of way. He looked at Missy Lissy and, although it was hard to tell, he flashed his most alluring bass-smile.
"Well," he said.
Yes, Billy Bass could speak as well as sing; he was what you might call a double threat.
"I'm so sorry to intrude," he continued, "but I was on my way to get a bite to eat and I seem to have taken a wrong bend in the plumbing."
"A likely story," said a skeptical Missy Lissy.
Billy Bass nodded. He kind of liked the story, too.
Billy Bass took a more careful look at Missy Lissy; her sumptuous, naked body; her face aglow from the hot bath, glistening with sweat; her auburn hair matted a little to her forehead, her eyes twinkling, her milky white skin seeming to beckon beneath the water.
"Hmmmmm'" said Billy Bass, "would you mind if I nibbled you a little?"
Missy Lissy stifled a giggle, regained her composure and replied, “You most certainly may not! Do I look like a snack to you?"
"You look like a gourmet meal, my dear," chuckled Billy Bass lasciviously.
Now, let us say a word or two about fish at this point, not so much because they are so fascinating, smart, or particularly charming, but because we have, regrettably, run out of snappy dialogue. While it is true that Billy Bass was no ordinary aquatic creature---given his rather unique speaking and singing abilities---he was, nevertheless, a fish. He had gills, powerful muscles, fins and a tale. And he was a creature of instinct; he was, in fact, what one might deem somewhat direct.
He very directly plunged into the warm bath water, swimming in slow circles around Missy Lissy, his cool, smooth body brushing against her back and ribs, his slightly rough scales scraping lightly over her pert nipples as he made his way downward, swooping under her bottom and appearing with a decidedly fishy grin between her thighs.
"Hmmmmmm," said Billy Bass.
"Eeeeek," chirped Missy Lissy.
In addition to her considerable skills as a teacher, her warm and compassionate manner, and all the other qualities which made her such an exceptional person, Missy Lissy also possessed a mischievous side. It was precisely this side of her personality that now led her, while smiling deceptively at Billy Bass, to flick her big toe against the tub's cold water tap.
"OH! HEY!! WAIT!!! WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCK??" yelped Billy Bass as the stream of cold water caught him fully across his dorsal fin.
Missy Lissy laughed and laughed.
Billy Bass was not so amused. He flipped around quickly so that his tail was pointed toward Missy Lissy, and began to thrash about furiously, causing his rigid tail fin to rain a series of stinging slaps against her tender inner thighs.
"Ouchhhhhh! Stop it! Ohhhhhh!" shrieked Missy Lissy, as the bath water splashed over her face and onto the bathroom floor.
Billy Bass kept right on paddling her delectable thighs, and was secretly delighted when he noticed her protestations begin to transform into little moans and gasps.
Missy Lissy was as perplexed by her surprising reaction as Billy Bass was pleased. She momentarily contemplated tossing this impudent little creature unceremoniously out the window. But, she didn't. Then as abruptly as it had begun, the finny spanking ceased. Missy Lissy sighed a little, sinking back against the smooth walls of the tub.
Billy Bass turned slowly, and, without another word---which may have been for the best since, let's face it, a talking fish is so uncommon in the world of humans that any utterance at this point might have served only to break the mood---he pressed his large mouth to her nether lips and began to suck and nibble lightly. Yes, even fresh water fish do possess what may be described as prehensile teeth.
Now, of all the physical attributes of fishes, surely their mouths are among the most noteworthy. They are proportionately larger than would be expected, and unusually supple and, as it turned out, Billy Bass used his own imposing mouth in very clever ways. He licked and suckled; nibbled and tugged, working his way deeper into Missy Lissy's now quivering sex.
"Ohhhhhhh mmmmmyyyyyyyyyy goodnessssssss," gasped Missy Lissy.
"Mmmmmppppphhhhhh," mumbled Billy Bass, whose mouth was, as we mentioned, somewhat too occupied to reply any more articulately.
Missy Lissy began to moan and thrash in time to Billy Bass's determined ministrations. In fact, she wriggled and squirmed and quivered so much, that her toe inadvertently became tangled in the tub-stopper chain, and yanking it out.
"Yikes!" shouted Billy Bass as the powerful suction began to send him spiraling, tail first, into the drain.
"Oops", said Missy Lissy, unable to restrain a grin.
"Can I call youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?" glubbed Billy Bass, as he disappeared down the drain.
Missy Lissy sat in a state of quiet bemusement, enjoying the little after shudders of her fishy encounter and smiling at the realization that she was decidedly un-tweaked. She sighed a little, got up, wrapped herself in a soft, warm towel, and wistfully left the room.
Now, no fairy-type tale is complete without a moral, and we will not take it upon ourselves to change this time-honored tradition. Here it is: